From the corner of my eyes, I caught his glimpse. He stood still. May be, waiting for someone. He still had those naive facial expressions that weren’t a sham. I always knew that they were not. For a nanosecond, my heart skipped a beat. Chills ran through my spine. Adrenaline and goosebumps were inseparable from me now. After all, it’s been years. It’s been so long. It’s been ages!


I saw him last on the convocation day. His thunder was his shield. He received accolades with prowess. He wasn’t daunting but he had an aroma; an extravagant aroma; aroma of heat; aroma of fervor intensities; aroma of an Adonis! He didn’t look mesmerizing. He wasn’t handsome. He didn’t have much money then. But well, that wasn’t my department. I have always wanted to just snuggle in his average muscular arms. That’s all I have ever wanted from him. That day, I did have a thought of pouring my heart all over him in one go. I had a thought but I had no guts.


Why was he here today? In a shopping mall? Is he back in the city? Where had he been lost in all these years? Is he married? With whom? Who might be his dame? How long has he been married? Did he invite anyone from college? Any of our mutual friends? Does he have kids? Shall I go and talk to him?


I could never talk to him. Well, I would have if I could have. And the reason is still lost somewhere in the galaxy of stars. May be, today is the day when I can at least utter my profligate words. The stars may shine today.


The odds are never my cheerleaders so he might not remember my tiny, little, fragile face. Not that I have an urge to reveal my real inside, my authentic conscience but this curious, inquisitive and skeptical part of me always interrogates, “Would he have reciprocated at that time?”


Just when my brain cells were on perks, my son called out.

“Papa, I want ice-cream!”


“Sure, let your mom come!” And the thoughts shattered. No, I won’t talk to him even today. He is the past and I have a future. But would he have loved me then? May be no!


Because my love had a gender.


By Harshita Kataria


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