As Well As I Know You





And then comes the night,
Again.
After a day too long,
Of promises over phone calls
And apologies over
Text messages.
Another day when I didn’t see you,
After ten months and ten days,
Of nothing but shared silences,
And terrible fights,
And longing,
And love.
As if the pillow I gently tuck under my
Arm at night
Somehow becomes you.
As if we dangle from a wire together
And just,
stay.
It’s like having an imaginary boyfriend.
You, my lover,
Are a product of my imagination.
You have visited my dreams
More than you have my city.




A shadow of a person I know
And I do not.
And in this moment
I realise
That even though I spend sixteen hours
Talking to you
Over hushed phone calls
And desperate text messages,
I will never know you as much as
The guy sitting beside you
In your class,
Or the girl who walks beside you
Sometimes.
Because I have forgotten
The shape of your hand in mine,
The contours of your face,
The way your hair feels between my fingers;
And they will not.
And in that moment
I realise,
No matter
How much I think I know you,
I don’t.
You are like the planets and stars I read about.
You are like the foreign places I see on my television;
No matter
How much I think I know you
It will never be the same
As knowing you.
And I cannot help but blame the distance,
The guy in your class,
The girl beside you,
The evening breeze
That touches you everyday,
Because their presence
Is nothing but
A mockery of the lack of mine.

 


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