I Miss You
I still pick up flowers fallen on the ground & hold them delicately, watching them wilt slowly in the palm of my hand. Watching them enjoy their beauty for one last time before they curl & surrender to their death paints me a sad picture of your last minutes of life on earth that I missed & can never see again.
Did they ever know how beautiful they were? Did you know how beautiful you were & will always be to me? It has always amazed me how I have never caught you looking at yourself in the mirror even once in my life! Did you ever do that at least when grandpa was alive? Or, have you always been this woman who cared about everyone else in the world, but forgot the soul whose body you manifested in?
I wish I was there to have asked you, what were your thoughts when you were lying on that bed & waiting for death to take you away? Did you have any happy memories here at all that made you smile? Was I a part of any? How come I have never seen you crib about the cruel hand life had dealt you with? Where did you learn to live as magnificently as this?
Did you remember me before you took your last breath? Did you know that I loved you more than anyone else in the world? Do you know that my world is still incomplete without you? If you could see the person that I have turned into, now, would you have liked me? Can you still find any traces of that naive nine-year-old girl you left behind? Can you forgive me for becoming this ghost of a person? Would you still love me now as you did before?
How could you simply leave without even saying goodbye? Didn’t you know that I’d be heart broken? Wouldn’t I have come along had I known you weren’t going to ever come back? Do you how difficult it is to live without you? Do you know how ugly this place has become? Every minute feels like an ordeal, knowing that I can never see your face again.
To be honest, I don’t even remember your face clearly anymore. I can’t remember the lines on your soft wrinkled skin or your kind eyes or the hurt & pain hidden in them. But, I can’t forget the happiness I felt when I looked into them. I can’t remember the feel of your soft skin as you caressed my face & patted me to sleep. But, I can’t forget feeling safe in this dangerous, brutal world at least for those brief moments that will linger on till eternity.
In this overcrowded planet of deplorable humans, I’d found an angel. And, it wasn’t long until you took your real form again.
If I could believe in angels, God, heaven & prayers again, could you come back for a second? Don’t tell me that I’m crazy, I know it. Which sane person writes a letter to a long departed soul in the middle of the night? If I prayed with all the love I have for you, could you come back for a second? I never believed in forever, but I do believe living forever in a second. For a second, give me back my forever. For a second, give me back my life & you can take it away the next. For a second, give me back my old unbroken self again.
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