Want You Back
It’s been almost fourteen months since we last saw each other. You were intrigued by your work, career, family and friends, and everything else but me.
I begged you to not leave me for I had thought that I wouldn’t be able to live without you. Evidently, I did.
The vivacious, unwavering, innocent person who loved you unconditionally, has now been conditioned to think twice before letting anyone close. The person I used to be, would apologize even when you were at fault. I have, however, stopped letting people take me for granted. I now know my self-worth. I have learnt to armor myself. I have learnt to not depend on others for my bliss, like I did when you were around; your happiness would mean my sanity and your grief would imply my worry, not vice versa nevertheless.
And when I have finally learnt to live without you, you want me back.
I didn’t ask for the reason behind you leaving me; I didn’t ask if you’d ever miss me. But now I wish to ask – ask every such question that’s been inside for too long, bothering me. Why is it always about you and seldom about me? You wanted to leave, you did. You want to be back and you think I should accept you – tell me, why?
How can I trust you with my fragile heart, when I know you’d hurt me before?
I don’t want to be hurt. Apparently, nobody does. I am scared of feeling the same for you, yet again, because I just cannot take the risk. To be honest, I’ve no strength to endure the hurt. You don’t realize that, do you?
I’ve learnt to love myself. Henceforth, I cannot let you or anyone else hurt me, ever again. I might have been too obliging for you, but now I’m not. Not for you precisely. I can sense the regret in your voice, but I am helpless. Ironically, I feel nothing now. I am like an unkempt hollow jar, which has been rendered shut incessantly, and whose lid is stiff so as to not open up easily. The jar may break if you forcefully try opening it up, nonetheless the lid would still be intact. Thus, I’d request you to let it be, and let me be.
You might have a lot of love to offer now, but I’m sorry, somehow, I have nothing for you – not even sympathy. Often I wish I could undo the ache induced by you. I can perhaps forgive you for destroying me, but I can certainly not forget the damage caused.
I hope you make peace with yourself, and realize the fact that although you want to come back, I cannot let you.