The Lightest Shade Of Blue

My lovely daughter came forward and held my hand to take me to the front of the church. At fifty, I was fit enough to walk but I was scared if I would find the strength, as the grief inside me was breaking me apart. I looked at my daughter who was sobbing silently and patted her on the back. She had lost her mother, and as a father, I had to support her but how could I when I was in pain myself?


As we neared the dark coffin that was shielding you from us, I was asked to say goodbye. But when I clutched your cold and pale hand, all I wanted to do was say “Hello” all over again.


With tears streaming down my face, I remembered when I first saw you in a light blue saree making the sky wish it was made of a different colour.


I wanted to go back in time and save myself from embarrassment by tripping on the footpath and falling flat on my face.


I however, still wanted to be the brave man who got up unflinchingly and carried the injured puppy you were fretting about, to the nearest vet, earning a dazzling smile from you.


Everyone gathered here today has asked me why I am selling our company and I tell them that it means nothing to me because when I walk in through those doors, I see me and you picking out our initial one room office.


I see you and I painting it the lightest shade of blue for memory’s sake and decorating it.


I see us buying furniture from the flea market, inspired by Wake Up Sid.


From there how did we grow to become one of the most successful construction companies? How did we move from that one room office to a sprawling building in the centre of the city?


Through hard work that involved sleepless nights and electric kettle dinners.


Through your impeccable sense of accounting and my manageable managerial skills.


Can I ever forget the pull down blue couch which was our bed for more than 5 years?


They ask me, how can I leave behind a family run business? I tell them, without family, it’s just a business.


They wouldn’t understand. I started this business for a better life for you.


This was our dream. We were partners and built it together.


I can foresee the headlines tomorrow announcing my retirement and can already imagine the phone ring off the hook.


But I won’t know. I will be back to the one room office where we lived during our hard times. I will be running my fingers over the light blue walls thinking of all the fun we had while painting it. I will take our daughter there and tell her all about our love that always made me believe that miracles do exist.


They lower you down into the ground along with your deceptive heart which never showed any signs of weakness. Death took you away at forty tearing me apart. They ask me to throw a fistful of dirt and as it seeps out of my fingers, I wish I could follow.


Is this goodbye?


I look up to the sky and let myself smile at the light blue colour.


It’s only until we meet again.


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