I climbed up on the roof once again. The air was still cold, and I loved it.
Of course I felt weak, but then, I had a reason to. After all, it was all so new to me. All I could do right then was to think. I had always been much of a thinker and now, I had all the time to do all my thinking.
I started with my childhood reminiscence.
I thought of the merry days I had enjoyed, always pampered for being the only child. I looked down at the street and remembered all the games I had played down there. I looked around and remembered the sweetest parts of my childhood – the times my father would lift me up in his arms and loiter on the same roof where I was sitting right then.
My adolescence ranked next in my remembrance. It was not a distant memory and had served as the crucial part of my life. I started with the menial stuffs – my first crush and the whole of my high school life. I had never been one of those for whom high school turns out to be a fairyland; still I had managed to get my share of fine days. I felt proud of myself on remembering how I had been able to perform well in all my exams despite so many hurdles at home due to my father’s extramarital affair leading to regular fights between my parents.
I remembered how I had spawned the carefree attitude towards the society when I realized that my parents preferred fighting each day and ruining the life of their own kid rather than taking a divorce, for that would bring them down in the eyes of the society.
I remembered how I first learnt to take a decision when I decided to detach myself from my parents’ issues, things over which I had no control, and began living for myself.
I remembered my university days that had served as a respite.
I also remembered that my parents continued dragging me into their issues and on my denial of interference, they had begun the blame game, stating that they had been together for my sake and now I wasn’t paying back.
I remembered sensing the end of my pampered days and the beginning of being treated as a burden.
I remembered how devastated I had felt when I had been home during my holidays and they were still the same. I remembered crying my eyes out when my parents, in the middle of a quarrel, blamed my birth for all their issues, when I tried stopping them.
I remembered climbing up on the roof, in the need to be alone for a few moments. I remembered not judging my pace, falling down and hurting my head. I remembered rushing back downstairs and I also remembered the realization that made me come up again. I remembered climbing up on the roof once again. Since there was nothing more to remember, I turned and started walking back. I stopped where my body lay. I bent down and kissed myself, deliberately, on the forehead. It was the most gratifying kiss ever.
“It’s not your fault, sweetheart.” I whispered.
I had always been a fighter and had nothing to regret. I stroke my own hair for one last time. I smiled my widest smile and walked away, waving myself goodbye.
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