“No, I don’t regret it. She has been the light of my life, the apple of my eye and my support through all these years.”
I smiled at the sixty-year-old lady near the vending machine who didn’t seem to run out of questions.
“But aren’t you afraid, that it will all end soon?”
“She doesn’t deserve this world. She deserves a world that is higher above all this. She deserves to find happiness there. She needs to see a new world with her slanted eyes that are always finding joy in this miserable world.”
“But don’t you feel sad?” she asked with tears brimming from her eyes.
“People often thought that as a single mother of a Down’s child, I was sad. But how do you expect me to be sad when my child is perennially happy? Isn’t that what every parent wants, their child to be happy? Whenever I cry, my daughter hugs me. She has never asked me what is wrong or doesn’t know how I feel. But yet she hugs me which is her way of telling me to be happy.
Down’s children feel. They don’t feel all emotions but they feel happiness. They find joy in the littlest of things that we have forgotten to notice. I am blessed to see such happiness.”
I saw a nurse tap the lady’s shoulder and scowl at her for drinking coke from the machine. The old lady rolled her eyes, hugged me and followed the nurse after whispering, “Stay Strong”, to me.
As I walked back to the emergency room opposite the vending machine, I felt a lump in my throat.
I knew the risk before having her. Dr. Maithali made sure I knew all the consequences but nothing can prepare a mom for losing her child. My child who was just eighteen was fighting for survival from a fatal heart disease.
I held on to her soft hands as life played with her. Pressing my forehead to her hand, I sobbed for a better tomorrow for her wherever she is. In spite of going through immense pain and being half sedated, I felt her squeeze my hand to reassure me that she was okay and I was also going to be okay. Once again she was telling me to be happy.
I stood up and watched her angelic smile that told me that she was already in a better place.
“My Baby”, I kissed her forehead and watched the curves go flat. I was alone but taught to be happy.
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