Maa, We Will
My heart bleeds when you dissimulate your sadness just to keep a smile on our faces. Of course it does bleed, but fortitude is all that I’m left with in the end because I don’t want you to feel defeated. Yes Maa, the pain will never ease, not for you at least. I have you to share my pain with, to complain to when things don’t happen the way I want them to, but who will you show your tears to? Who will give you a shoulder to lean on when you can’t contain your emotions?
I know you are troubled. Bhai and I try to take care of every need of yours but that does not help much to ease your life because you have the responsibility of me and Bhai. We always try our best to extend our hand for you to hold on to but it doesn’t lessen the grief. Why are we even expecting that to happen? After all, life is never the same after losing the love of one’s life. We never thought Paa would leave us, not even in our worst nightmare, but as they say, what has to happen always happens. His wounds pained all of us. It was never easy for us to see a man so strong as him being pricked by all those injections. It was so difficult to even look at him in that condition. However, we believed that he would make it. We never thought he would succumb to his wounds. He was in so much pain at the end of his difficult life. The Almighty liberated him from his pain for good, he didn’t deserve it any more. We wish we could save him, we did our best Mom, but we are helpless in the face of nature’s intent. I guess liberty was all that he yearned for because the pain had started to drain the life out of him. After all, his well being was all that we ever wished for so keeping him in such pain was painful even for us.
Shouldn’t we be happy Maa? He fulfilled every responsibility of his, being your man, raising a virtuous son like Bhai and most importantly, being a father to a petulant daughter like me whose mood changed with every passing second. Obviously we still have a lifetime to live without him but we must be proud that he was successful in laying the strong foundation of our beautiful house. We don’t have him with us but he is and always will be with us to guide us. His presence can only be felt, his love is a power so strong and divine that it would be enough to take us through life without him.
Maa, we want to create for you a warm and safe heaven where his dreams and his memories will guide us ahead in life. We know you always miss him, it is only natural. We just want to create a new world for you. We can’t promise it will be like the one dad built, we obviously can’t but we promise you that never in life will we let a tear drop from your eye, not in any situation. This time we won’t allow the forces of nature to do any harm to this abode of ours. Instead, we will lie down fervently, strive and shine but in no case let this new foundation shatter. We promise to stand by you through thick and thin. We promise we will make Paa immortal. We promise we will let him live while his soul rests in peace.
I love you Maa and I always will. Thank you for always being around, I know that is no match to the sacrifices you made but I want to thank you with all my heart, you are the best Mom!
~ Suzzane Poudel | Edited by Aditi Dhasmana