Loving like an Atheist
What are we but a bunch of contradictions? It is surprising how we can want two completely opposite things at the same time. We are our own representation of Yin and Yang, a complete world in itself. One such stark contradiction is pretty much ruining my life. I am living the one horror of marriage that I was always afraid of- Monotony.
The worst example of contradiction is our needs from a relationship. On one hand I need something constant, something to hold on to, a sense of security and an inferno of intimacy that burns the bones. On the other hand, I need change, distance, a sense of freedom and this feeling of emotional independence. How to have both at the same time?
My husband Aakash walks out of the house every morning with a paunch that seems to be growing every minute and stress written all over his face. I can’t help but remember how he used to give me flowers everyday, and all college girls were jealous of our love! Today we have lost the ability to surprise and energize each other. Even sex seems like nothing but a lot of work. Honestly, life is usually monotonous and love is one of the best things that can happen. After an extended honeymoon period though, even love turns into monotony and that could be disappointing. How we came to this place in our relationship, I do not know. What I do know for sure is that many people have.
Maybe we were expecting too much of each other and too little from our selves. Maybe we have forgotten how to be responsible for our own happiness. We should really give a rest to ‘Love completes us’, ‘Love saves us’, ‘Love after the end of life’. If you really think about it, isn’t it the same as saying ‘God completes us’, ‘God saves us’, ‘God after the end of life’? The idea of God however, is pretty much dead because we have rejected deities. We have learned not to depend on an external force.
Why do we treat love like a deity then? Isn’t it hypocritical to reject one deity and create another? Maybe it is time for us to realize that we are not two perfect halves but two imperfect wholes. Two complete beings. I am sure if Akash does things that make him happy and I do things that make me happy, things that don’t involve both of us, we will end up making each other happy. We must learn to start loving like an atheist and take the godliness out of our head. Love can’t always save us; love itself needs to be saved.
So am I ruining love by taking the magic out of it? I don’t think I am!
If you think about it, finding your own happiness, just to be happy with each other is a fulfilling mechanism. Doing this only means you have found a love that has become your constant motivation to pursuing happiness.
You have found something that’s truly phenomenal!
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