Lost With Time
Dear old friend,
We did not make it.
As I sat with you today, I found myself racking my brains, trying to remember the good parts of my life to share with you. I told you about my new friends, my new shoes and the last movie I had watched. And when I tried telling you about the less rosy parts of my life, I was tongue tied. I just could not tell you about the struggles that were actually weighing me down. I did not want you to see how weak they had rendered me. I wanted you to look at me and see me perfectly content. Then it dawned on me. We had become that kind of friends now. Baring our ugly sides would just make the conversation uncomfortable.
We used to talk about the same things over and over again and they never got old. Today I thought twice and decided against telling you my life is in shambles; that my bloodshot eyes and the bags under them are not from a weekend long movie marathon. I’m lonely despite the new friends I’ve made. I’m a bitter mess and my heart aches as though it were punched. Now, my dear friend, this wasn’t how we were supposed to end up!
Didn’t you notice that a happy me with no general grudge against the world meant I wasn’t being myself? You’ve grown quieter yourself. It seemed to me that you too, were keeping something from me, but simply saw no point in sharing it with me. Like I wouldn’t understand. Also, your sense of humour had changed. My childish gags that had me in splits fell flat on you. It felt like you had outgrown me.
No, my friend, we were supposed to grow quieter, older and wiser together.
I screamed silently at you as we sat together today. I looked at us and mourned the death of one of the most beautiful parts of my life. We have betrayed our ten-year- old selves that vowed “forever” on classroom desks and notebooks. We have grown up and apart. Do you see it, too? Our friendship could not stand the test of time. We could not make it.
~ Temsu Amen | Edited by Afreen Zeb