Peter, let’s talk about trees. Do you remember the first time we stared at one together?
I don’t remember what tree it was. But the time of the year was spring and the tree was utterly leafy. I don’t remember the day and the date either, but your words remain as fresh as ever in my mind.
You said staring at trees was your favourite task in spring. The more leafy they get, the more you tend to dream. That way, spring somehow makes life easier for you.
But it has never been so for me. I have never agreed with you. I have always been in love with autumn. The more the trees shed leaves, the more I shed my feelings. The sight of the empty branches and the yellow leaves covering up the ground have always helped me walk better.
On our wedding night, a cold December one, we exchanged gifts. You gave me a yellow leaf, I gave you a green one. And that is how we have spent most of our days together since then; by staring at leaves. During springs, you stare at them with love filled eyes and then fill your soul with dreams. And I quietly dream along. During autumns, I stare at them as they depart, and shed my emotions. And you have never failed to join me in that.
By now, we have completed forty autumns and forty-one springs together. And so far, neither of us has ever left the other alone, may it be while dreaming or while shedding.
I know you are dying now, Peter. I know you have been dying since the moment you heard that I’ll be dying soon. But don’t. Please don’t.
You might not be in good terms with life anymore, but while it is still in good terms with you, live it the way we have always lived. Dream away some more springs. And don’t worry about the sadness and the hollowness dwelling up inside you. You can always shed them away in the autumns. The falling leaves and the bare branches will help you. And with each sigh that you will heave, you will breathe me out and find me walking on the paths that the autumn beautifies.
Peter, when I cease to exist, liberate me as easily as the leaves are liberated in autumn.
Image Source: pixabay.com