Journey from Nothingness to Nothingness
After a great deal of commotion around my bed, my senses were slowly shutting down. I tried to keep my eyes open for as long as possible but finally something told me that it was no good use fighting. I was scared but also happy that this crazy dance called life was over. My eyelids met for good, once and for all. Nothingness intensely embraced me.
After passing through a long dark tunnel I was exposed to the brightest light. I was rid of pain and suffering and I felt nothing but immense love and peace. I felt so satisfied that my natural curiosity was curbed and the need to ask any questions about what was happening had sublimated. After few hours of experiencing extreme euphoria, I found myself floating around in my city and coming back to my senses.
I tried to reason everything. DMT (a mind altering drug/chemical) released by the brain before death explains the tunnel and the euphoric experiences. But why would my brain release DMT right before my death? Did the brain know that there was life after death? Maybe the DMT was released to make death less overwhelming and calm me down. Maybe I am still in my mind and hallucinating all of this. But how is it then that I am free to go wherever I want to go? This floating self seems real, as real as my body.
As I floated over the grey sea, I figured the height didn’t scare me. The sea shore brought back memories of my very first kiss, when I was seventeen and a half. Everything around me reminded me of intense experiences in my life. I had no intentions of returning and checking on my family and friends. My mind was fixated on experiences as if trying to make a decision; a decision to stay or to leave this world. I knew I wanted to stay. My instincts were so strong that reason was not required, but my capacity to reason was not lost. I knew everything. Just like the turtles know they must walk to the sea, right after they hatch from their eggs.
I flew over to a Navy officer’s apartment in Colaba. The officer was cheating on his wife, I knew.
Did I want to stay after I saw what I saw?
Yes I did. I wanted to live.
I entered his head, as he made love to his illegitimate sweetheart. I picked up an element of masculinity from him and felt everything a man feels while making love, passionate, powerful, goal oriented. Through their contact, I felt myself involuntarily passing on to the female and picked up an element of femininity from her, enduring pain, being gentle and aggressive from time to time, aggressive yet submissive. For that one moment, I was genderless. It was a male female union I had never so clearly experienced in myself although I was quite aware that there were personality traits of both in every person. I travelled through a long tunnel, similar to the one I had been through after death. It is strange that the death tunnel was so similar to the way to a woman’s womb. Like death itself was preparation for a new life.
I was going to be an illegitimate child to the young girl with a glowing face, unaware that she was now three minutes pregnant.
How did I land here? I was beginning to forget things. Now I was scared. My mind was a complete void, was this a new life, or a new death?
The past faded away quickly as I slipped back from nothingness into nothingness.
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