I’m Fine

“How are you?”


I hear your voice ripping through my brain tissues, bouncing against my ribs and my lungs and my eyes, and it feels like thunderstorms inside a house.


Do you really want to know how I am? Well, I’m a mess. Yes, a wondrously melancholic, wretched, soul-sucked, diabetic mess, with hardly an inch of sunlight on my face, and an ache in my gut the size of Bangladesh; with hair as a rhyming bear, and a fussing erection begging for relief. My nights are sleepless, and my days are mere daydreams, like being high on liquor for too long, just sadder and grumpier.


I feel like I need an outburst. An upsurge. An explosion.


I want to speak to you. I want to tell you about this irritating pigeon that makes weird noises at the dead of the night; about my neighbour’s two-year old daughter who has become my favorite buddy; about my mother who is growing more and more depressed each day; about how I helped an old woman carry her bags the other day and how the smile that she smiled made the sky look a little bluer and the day a little brighter; about the absence of words that fills up the night, and the irony that fills up this sentence.


I want to scream it to you, near your ears, about yesterday’s sunrise and my remembrance of you; about how fucking beautiful you look today, and how pathetically I’ve missed you; about the endless haikus I’ve written for you, and the seven thousand, nine hundred and sixty three other stories that I’ve still got left to say.


Yes, this is me. A colossal mess. A raging shit-storm of emotions. What else did you expect, anyways? You’re the one who left me this way. Weak. Unassembled. Naked. Crumbled. You should know how cruel you are.


Here you are today, with your shiny new dress and the same callous smile that hurts, and here I am, still hung-over with what could’ve been but what never did.


I wish you could hear my thoughts at this moment. They want you. Here. Now. With me. Like frantic comets seeking warp-holes to another galaxy.


“Hey, where are you lost? I asked you how you were.”


“Yes, I’m fine. Thank you.”


Image source: pixabay.com



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