Hills Healed Her
She was in pain.
Despite knowing it all, she refused to accept the truth until they brought his body out. When she saw him lying there, his parts so still and his face so deadpan, she stopped wailing. But her pain didn’t end. Her worst fear had been rendered true, and now it was time for her worst nightmare. Ever since she had learnt of his illness, she had been perturbing herself with the thoughts of a life without him. The idea of a lonely life had been haunting her.
A month later, she decided to ease her fear of loneliness by trying not to be lonely. She planned a hill station jaunt with her girlfriends. They denied. She was back to her depression. Only this time, she was aggressive as well. She was upset with him, for leaving her alone. She was mad at her friends, for letting her be alone.
Since loneliness seemed to be her only unswerving companion, she decided to travel with it. She booked the tickets to Gulmarg, the pretty little hill station she had always wanted to visit with him, and left.
Calmness, she was experiencing it after such a long time. Of course, it was happiness that she desired, but then, she couldn’t refuse that calmness was at least a step towards it. The hills were serene. The snow covered slopes were a treat to the eyes. She was afraid she would miss him more and feel lonelier. Little did she know that the magic was just about to begin.
Her hands were icy. She had climbed up the hill and was sitting on the snow, gazing around. The winsome nature had been successful in astounding her. There were cold breezes blowing all over the place, and her body was shivering, yet she felt warm from within. She got that feeling again, the one his tight hugs used to bring her. She was able to throw out her grief. She touched the snowy hill, picked up some snow and rubbed on her palms. She shed a few tears and then lit her face up with a smile, and started gazing around again. She gazed at the hills, the trees, the distant valleys. She had finally found a place where she felt better without him, without anyone.
Sitting on the hill all alone felt better than sitting with him in a bistro. The cold breeze blowing around gave her skin goose bumps, but her soul felt warm, warmer than it had ever felt with him. The uneven layers of snow that covered her palms felt better than his touch.
It’s not like she had started to love him any less. It’s just that she started loving him the right way; she started missing him the right way. She started missing him for he was gone, not because of her loneliness, as used to be the case. She touched the hill once again and picked up some more snow.
Slowly and gingerly, nature had cured her, the hills had healed her. She no longer feared solitude.
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