Bring Yourself Back
This will not do for much longer: this belief that you have honoured for decades now – that the next boy, the next book, the next sketch, the next photo, the next poem or the next song will make everything okay.
You need to accept that it won’t.
I know you no longer lie weeping your nights away; but no longer do you snap at men who stare at your chest for a little too long in the subway; no longer do you cry over lost lives, incomplete plans, shallow cuts, and sliced veins. You have created walls all around you – walls that you will not even allow anyone else to break, walls that confine you into your little zone of comfort. You avoid eye contact because you think it is too intense, and because you are afraid of all you may see in the eyes of the person in front. You pretend to be cold. But dear, in the process, you have forgotten that frozen water in air-tight containers will someday break the container altogether. And when it does, it’s never a pretty sight.
You have given up on yourself. You have given up on the last person you have the right to give up on!
And you think you are doing this to protect yourself.
But unfortunately, you are doing this to tame your mind. You are doing this because you think you have already reached the threshold where one more slash will cause you irreparable damage. You are doing this because so many people have told you that you feel too deeply and that it’s not worth it. You are doing this because too many people have ridiculed you to the extent that you have actually begun to doubt yourself.
But I need you to know that you’re wrong. You’re not the one who’s deranged. It’s a deranged world out there, which severely overrates ‘strength’ and severely underrates vulnerability.
Go, get back in touch with yourself – the one that imagines a little too much, and floats out of reality a little too often; the one that loves a little too much and hates a little too little; the one that still wants to believe in hope and magic; the one that the society scolded and scared a little too much.
Go, embrace the person you once were, and the kid who the society killed.
Because nothing will ever make anything okay… if you don’t try.
Image source: flickr.com