Am I Weird or Am I Normal?





I want to dust off the sadness I’m filled with and sew all the cracks in my heart and brim this organ with happiness and enjoy life to bits. But I also want to safeguard that sadness and decorate it with glitters and ribbons and paintings and poems.

 

I want to put my insecurities to sleep and hang onto every ounce of courage to explore the unexplored and name all the stars that lie within me and work till work asks me not to. But I also want to cuddle beneath my blanket and hibernate for months at a stretch.

 

I want to be famous and known and praised and awarded. But I also want to disappear into the depths of mysteries and be the average Miley Stewart of the ‘Hannah Montana’ TV series.

 

I want to be unique. Purely and perfectly unique! The kind that’s one in a billion. But I also want a bit of my family and a bit of you and a bit of her and a bit of him.

 

I want to be sincere, but I also want to break the rules. I want to be a man, but I also want to secure the womanhood I’ve been gifted with. I want ‘this’. Not an inch more, not an inch less! But I also want ‘that’ mingled with ‘this’.

 




My heart hates complicating things, then why am I exactly that- a huge lump of complications? My brain hates paradoxes, then why am I exactly that- a bundle of contradictions?

 

Am I weird? Why am I weird?

 

Are we all this weird?

 

***

 

When nights forget to bring sleep along, I often taste this conversation at the back of my throat. And I often stand at the abyss of my soul and dive into the darkness in search of answers.

 

“Perhaps such weirdness completes us. Perhaps it is just another form of cupidity for wanting too much from life. Perhaps being weird is the absolute normal. Perhaps…,” these voices echo from within me.

 

But before I’m able to evaluate all the possibilities of being weird, I weirdly drown into my own thoughts and that’s when sleep embraces me. And that’s when I feel normal.

 

“If being weird is the absolute normal, then is it that being normal is the absolute weird?” the subconscious voice continues to haunt me, leaving me with a single mind-boggling question- Am I weird or am I normal?

 


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